I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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