The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
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she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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