Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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