i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize