note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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