The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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