just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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