Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize