I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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