Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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