at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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