I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize