3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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