on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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