Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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