I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
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On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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