JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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