bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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