I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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