trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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