i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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