Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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