can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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