It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize