We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
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You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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