Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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