There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize