You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize