my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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