If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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