she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
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