dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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