So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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