one two three fourrrrnication!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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