My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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