He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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