We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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