Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
did you just send me my own nude
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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