why do cheetos always look like penises
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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