i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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