I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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