"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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