My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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