he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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