i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize