8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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