it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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