hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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