Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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