my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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